


Friends Have Safewords, Too

by B_Frizzy



Series: SMH Group Chats, etc [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety, Epistolary, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentions of Casual Sex, Mentions of alcohol, Multi, Panic Attacks, Prescription Drug Use, Recreational Drug Use, SMH group chat, Safewords, blink and you miss it polyamory, but in a friends way, conversations about sex, everyone is queer because samwell, extra helping of fluff, good communication, holster gets redemption as a human being, mentions of cheating, tango is my baby i love him and you will too, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-03 02:24:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10233608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_Frizzy/pseuds/B_Frizzy
Summary: SMH go to see a Falcs game, featuring the tadpoles!--"AB: that has to be the most disgusting fine of the week, thank you nursey""DN: you're either lying or taking this much better than anyone i've ever known, but I don't know you well enough to know which it is""EB: an incomplete list of things we will NEVER DISCUSS AGAIN... that thing chowder did with a puck"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Things I wanted to accomplish with this fic:  
> 1) redemption for Holster, because even if he's super shitty sometimes, he's still a great friend  
> 2) ransom + holster being good friends  
> 3) everyone in the world falls in love with tango (y'all. i have an entire backstory, please come yell about him with me)  
> 4) fun for everyone
> 
> The plan is to add one more chapter, and the limits list and details about what happened at the party (aka the things bitty never wants to talk about ever again)
> 
> I don't know if Ngozi ever specified who the Houston team is in her universe, so I'm just going to default to the Aeros, may the RIP
> 
> there are quick mentions of throwing up, so if you're not cool with vomit, be warned

BK: MY BROS, I had the wildest fucking dream. Listen up

BK: so, we were all chilling after the game, doing the do as we do, when in walks Kent Fucking Parson. So we're all like wtf bruh, why are you even in PA, but then bitty says “yeah, he's our boyfriend too”. And he just gets on his knees and starts blowing the dude

BK: and we all just go on like it's normal!

BK: AND THEN holster and ransom go “swawesome, this is OUR boyfriend, Alexei goddamn mashkov” and they start grinding to the music that magically turned itself on and ransom is sandwiched between the two biggest motherfuckers

BK: I have never seen him happier. It brought a tear to my dream eye

BK: fucking crazy

RW: what the fuck

EB: oh good lord. Whiskey and tango have officially been added to the SMH haus group chat, as of this morning. Say hello, boys

EB: now, this isn't a declaration or guarantee of dibs, let me be clear! It's just easier to coordinate with everyone going to the falcs game this way.

EB: so... hey guys!!and I'm so sorry

EB: and you need to stop smoking before you sleep, Mr Knight, because I would swallow my tongue before putting any part of Kent Parson's in my mouth

CC: I'm so excited to go see the game!!!!

RW: wow. Chowder's excited. I'm shocked, truly

DN: :|

BK: I am offended, Bitty. Totally sober, bruh

LD: welcome to the nuthouse

CC: :D !!!!

AB: wait, exactly how many of our various genitalia have you dreamed about, shitty? Like, do you need pics for accuracy, or is it just a one time thing sort of deal? 

EB: don't let them scare you away, shitty's totally harmless now that he's not making the tub juice

AG: ohh. This is going to be confusing, knowing everyone by their nicknames but switching to everyone's initials :x

CC: we'll help you out, tango!!

CC: it's actually really easy! See, you already know everyone's names, and BK is shitty and JZ is jack zimmermann!! (and if you forget, shitty is the one who swears a lot)

AG: but if it's our initials, why isn't it “sk”?

JO: ...his name isn't actually shitty

BK: like... 80%, give or take, holster. No nudes necessary

AG: ohhh, I guess that makes sense. I was confused why anyone would name a baby shitty, but didn't want to say anything unless it was a family name or traditional or something

RW: ...right, tango

BK: don't think I didn't see that comment about the tub juice, bits. Are you fuckers doing my legacy wrong??

LD: all tub juice production now falls under official manager duties. Trust in me, Shits, I'm doing it right, my dude

BK: i'm one heart-eyed motherfucker right now. Lardo, I love you

JO: you know, now that I think about it, I've had a nearly identical dream

JO: well, the me sandwiched between Holster and Alexei Mashkov part

JZ: why did I stay in this group chat ?

BK: you fucking love us j-zed, don't even front

AB: ….feel like elaborating on that thought, ransom?

EB: oh good lord, before we have to witness any more of this weird mating dance!

EB: is everyone okay to meet up at Annie's around 12?

EB: we were looking at renting a 15 passenger van, but let me tell you, they do NOT fit 15 people, let alone 15 hockey players. I swear, we'd take them on our church retreats and it was HORRIFYING

JO: you went on church retreats, bitty?

AB: was it the church of Johnny Weir, or...

EB: oh hush up, you two

EB: ANYWAY, we have the frogs + tadpoles driving with dex. Shitty is driving up and picking up me, lardo, ransom and holster. Ollie and wicks are driving with their girlfriends. The plan is to stay the night at jack's apartment. Am I forgetting anybody? Does that sound like it works?

JZ: if anyone wants to head back after the game instead of going to the after party, I'll pay for the uber

CC: You're so nice, Jack!!

AG: I have class until noon, is it okay if I'm a little late? If I have to go to my dorm and drop off my things and grab an over night bag, I may be late

EB: sure, honey, that's fine. But anyone later than 12:35 will be left!! >:[

RW: if you leave a bag in your dorm, i'll grab it for you, tango. Keep your school crap in the trunk overnight, nobody will care about stealing your compsci crap out of Dex's beater

AG: thanks, whiskey!!

LD: are we sure it's smart to have dex and nurse in the same car? They've practically been attached at the genitals lately

DN: safety first, lardo ;)

WP: oh whatever. He's terrified of cars. He'll barely even speak to me when I'm driving, much less whatever you're thinking

WP: trust me, i've tried

DN: safety first, babe :*

CC: um... fine?

CC: I don't think I've ever seen holster miss an opportunity to fine someone :\

BK: hmmmmmmm

BK: our captains must be off discussing important things

JZ: don't say it, shitty. I'm on my way to practice and I need to be able to look all of my teammates in the eye

BK: …..TATER

**

AG: hey bitty, this is tony

AG: tango

EB: I know who you are, I've got everyone's numbers saved

EB: we're texting in the group chat right now

AG: ooohh right. Sorry :(

EB: ...did you need something, tango?

AG: Oh right!

AG: I was wondering if it's okay to wear an Aeros jersey to the game?

AG: I know we're going to see the falcs, and jack zimmermann is alumnus and your partner and all and I totally respect that, but Houston is my hometown and I've always been an aeros fan and it would feel wrong cheering for another team :/

EB: that's totally fine, tango

EB: now, you may be the only one in the whole stadium in green, but go ahead :)

EB: you know, I don't think I knew that you're from Houston!

AG: yeah!

EB: I have a feeling there's a lot about you I don't know

AG: well, I'm an open book :?

EB: i'll keep that in mind

**

EB: why are y'all pulling over??? we've only been on the road for 10 minutes

CC: :( nursey was sitting in the back because him and dex were fighting before we left (and dex said he didn't want to see nursey's face :x ) but nursey got car sick so he had to move up to the front

RW: an inspirational quote from William Jacob Poindexter: “If you don't stop kicking my seat nursey, I swear to god I will turn this car around. I don't care if you have to throw up”

AB: JACK PASSED ON THE DAD PANTS

EB: mmm, no complaints about Jack's pants here

BK: NO COMPLAINTS ABOUT WHAT THOSE PANTS ARE COVERING EITHER

CC: omg shitty aren't you driving??? why are you texting???

AB: lardo kicked him out of the driver's seat at the last minute

JO: ayyy, bitty, just you wait until Jack sees what's in your short shorts! Dat bitty booty is def getting better 

EB: all thanks to you, Mr Oluransi

DN: 10/10 would definitely tap that

BK: if jack does any less than WORSHIP dat ass, you come to Cambridge and I'll treat you RIGHT, bitty

AG: wait, but I thought shitty and nursey were a thing??

CC: OMG

RW: i'm actually confused about who all's fucking, too. Everyone is so... touchy feely

BK: you two sit down for a long, twisty story, my taddy friends

EB: oh these children

EB: me and Jack are together, obv

DN: me and dex's dicks are soulmates. But in another universe, I'm named Chad and pining after shitty

DN: and holster def offered a pity fuck once, so. You could say we're pretty serious

BK: nursey. Bruh. That's fucking beautiful

BK: but for the record, I don't fuck anyone, I'm ace as hell

AG: I... think I followed most of that?

RW: and ransom and holster

JO: nah

AB: nope

DN: wait what

BK: my DUDES

EB: did y'all break up or did the entire team just assume that wrong?

JO: the entire team thinks we're dating?

CC: You're so good together!! you finish each other's thoughts! You're cuter than me and farmer, and you know how much I love farmer!!!

AB: woah. That's some strong feelings from chowder. Maybe we should start fucking or something, ransom

JO: adam.

JO: bud.

JO: you're straight.

BK: HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE

BK: my heart can't handle knowing that you fuckers aren't touching dicks AND that holster is goddamn straight

EB: o.o uhhh

DN: if you're straight why'd you offer to be a rebound?

EB: ^^^ 

AB: i'm a generous friend, what can I say

RW: …..

JO: holster has a very high opinion of his penis. he thinks it's a gift that he should share with everyone

AB: if the shoe fits

AB: or in this case, the magnum condom fits

EB: someone take that boy's phone away before he really overshares jfc

AG: but wait, ransom, weren't you saying you'd like to be in a holster + alexei mashkov sandwich? Even though holster's straight?

JO: are you saying you wouldn't?

AG: hm. True.

DN: “We've been in providence for five minutes now. Ask bitty where the fuck i'm going before I run out of gas” - little bits of Poindexter wisdom

EB: oh! Right

EB: tell him to keep driving down this road. We're meeting ollie, wicks, and girlfriends at this pizza place a few blocks up.

EB: lunch, then the stadium, then Jack's for the after party! Let's get this afternoon started!!!

**

AB: you good, dude?

DN: yeah, i'm chill

AB: just checking. You sort of disappeared

AB: and dex is standing in front of me,so I figured you're not fucking

AB: no judgement if you are, though bro. Bitty already threatened death to anyone who gets spunk anywhere in jack's apartment, so be warned

DN: No, I am not fucking

DN: just getting crowded, man. Me and rans and shitty are taking a smoke break

AB: aw damn. I was hoping he was off hooking up with mashkov

DN: you're weirdly interested in what happens with your friends' dicks, dude

AB: just think of me as your fucking cheerleader

AB: LITERALLY

AB: :D get it???

DN: i'm going back to smoking now.

AB: LIVE YOUR DREAMS

AB: you do you, sweet pigeon

**

EB: an incomplete list of things we will NEVER DISCUSS AGAIN

EB: that thing chowder and snowy did with a puck. Holster's pasty ass. The tattoo on Holster's pasty ass. Tango drinking lardo under the table. What happened to the vase of flowers I had in the kitchen. Why I had to throw out the ruler. Everything Dex said after drink 3. Ollie and wicks... just no more talking about them ever again.

CC: it was totally innocent bitty!!! it wasn't what it looked like!!

EB: no, chowder. Just no.

AG: did I do something wrong?

BK: YOU'RE MY NEW GOD, LITTLE TADDY

AB: too early for yelling

EB: nope. Holster, you're still grounded. Give ransom your phone

AB: I'd put up a fight, but I'm actually dying so

DN: pulling over

DN: aww my poor baby is a lightweight

CC: i'm taking over driving for Dex :)

WP: that's a fine, nurse

WP: and also fuck you all

DN: being fined by my own man, I don't know whether to be angry or turned on

WP: fine.

EB: y'all. It is definitely too early for bickering.

BK: SO RANSOM

BK: you thought you could get away from the questions if you were quiet enough, didn't you???

BK: WAS IT EVERYTHING YOU DREAMED OF

BK: WAS IT EVERYTHING I DREAMED OF

JO: no

RW: I'm going to spend the next four years getting unnecessarily detailed descriptions of sex I'm not having, aren't I?

AB: FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS HOOKUP WITHOUT DEETS, YOUNG PADAWAN

EB: why do you have a phone

JO: I gave it back to him

JO: i'm lodging an official protest that a certain subject was not on the no fly conversation list

EB: honey, there is no way I could get these boys not to ask, short of actual murder

EB: and I don't got that kind of energy this morning

AG: wait, I thought nothing happened between ransom and tater?

BK: you may be wise in many ways, but you have much to learn

JO: NOTHING HAPPENED

JO: tango is my favorite, I hate everyone else

WP: “I!!! believe you :D :D !!! Ransom!!!!” -chowder

DN: (exact translation)

BK: methinks the fucking lady doth protest too fucking much

DN: -William shakespeare

EB: ransom. Sweetheart. We found you in the kitchen, sitting in tater's lap, not wearing a shirt

JO: hibiscus.

BK: alright, you heard him, boys

AG: um???

RW: ^that

EB: it's a safeword

AG: what does that mean in this context? I mean, I know what a safeword is, but what does that have to do with this?

AB: it's pretty much the same in any context, dude

EB: it just means stop whatever we're talking about and move on

DN: we started this after some very unpleasant prying into my personal life a few weeks ago

AG: so if you don't want to talk about something, you just say hibiscus and stop? Does everyone use the same word, or is hibiscus only Ransom's? Would the stoplight system work? Is there an equivalent of hard limits, too? Is there a list somewhere?

EB: I am learning so much about you this weekend, tango

RW: I should have played lacrosse like my brothers

BK: fuuuuck the lax bros

JO: tango. Yes, everyone uses the same word. No to the rest.

EB: that's a good idea, though, keeping a list of bad topics and triggers and phobias somewhere in the haus

EB: so that nobody accidentally walks into a no-go zone

AB: dude, yeah

DN: pulling over again so dex can vomit

EB: … I think lardo's suggestion of waiting a few more hours was probably a good idea

**

DN: I need advice

EB: I'm always here to help!

DN: hypothetically, does a person have a moral obligation to tell another person if the first person knows that the second person's significant other is cheating on them?

EB: uhm

EB:are you trying to tell me something, nursey?

EB: because jack wouldn't do that, you must have misunderstood or something

DN: no!

DN: no, not you bitty

EB: okay. I'm done freaking out, i'm listening again. Go on

DN: okay, so you know how we wrote that list? And I added “jared” because it's not something I want to talk about, like, ever again? 

DN: well. The second person on the team who jared slept with texted me and asked for some context because his boyfriend's name is Jared and he thinks it'd be hard for him not to use the name in the Haus

EB: oh goodness. Are you sure it's the same guy? I mean, it's a kinda common name

DN: I made sure

EB: hm. Well, I mean, i'd want to know

EB: or at least, thought I would, but my heart just about jumped out of my chest the minute I thought you were saying something about jack

EB: and I think you would have liked to know a little sooner?

DN: yeah

EB: :/ that was literally no help, huh

DN: not so much, no

EB: i'm sorry hon. I think it's a pretty subjective area. there's no real yes or no

DN: because choices aren't hard enough to begin with

EB: I think that if it were anyone else, i'd let it be. But you know jared, you know who and what he is personally, and it's distinctly possible that this person was dating jared while you were, which means you're a part of this whole ugly business

DN: that's... yeah

DN: that's what I was scared of

EB: good luck, lmk if you need support

DN: thanks bits

DN: one last question

EB: go ahead

DN: what situation could there possibly be that I “misunderstood” about jack cheating? Was Shitty's dream about you two having another boyfriend as prophetic as ransom and tater hooking up? 

EB: I have no idea what you're talking about

EB: but, if this was you asking for deets, well....

EB: ;P

**

DN: sorry it took me so long to reply

DN: so, this is super awkward, but your boyfriend jared? He's the reason “jared” is on my list

DN: he's my ex

AG: oh

DN: yeah. um. The thing is he was... not nice. He cheated on me a lot. And I think we may have been dating him at the same time?

DN: at least, he told me you were one of the people he cheated on me with

DN: and maybe i'm totally wrong on this, but I thought it was better to tell you than... not tell you

AG: oh

DN: right

AG: thanks for telling me

DN: um sure

DN: are you... okay?

AG: yeah, it's okay

DN: you're either lying or taking this much better than anyone i've ever known, but I don't know you well enough to know which it is

AG: no, it's okay. I kinda figured. He's not the first, but he's nice to me. I'm sorry he wasn't nice to you

DN: I don't even know what to say

AG: I ask so many questions that it's easy to tell when someone's lying and having trouble keeping their story straight. So when jared lies about where he's been or who he's with, I figured it was something like that. I didn't know it wasn't just hookups and one night stands, though. If I did, I would have told you

DN: and you're just... okay with that?

AG: yeah

DN: How?? I said I was chill about it, but no lie it fucking hurt

AG: I dunno, I just am. People think i'm dumb. Jared doesn't act like me asking him things is a burden. He's an okay guy who i'm sexually compatible with. I'm happy spending time with him and he's happy fucking around. Isn't that the sort of give and take of any relationship?

AG: it works

DN: I... no? It's not? Even a little bit, but.

DN: have we ever made you feel dumb for asking questions?

AG: sometimes. Chowder is really good about answering things. Dex gets frustrated with it really fast. Ransom and Holster and Bitty can be a bit patronizing, and when you joke around, it feels like you don't take me seriously. Lardo, too

DN: i'm sorry

AG: it's okay, we can only ever do our best, right? And as long as everyone is trying, that's enough

**

AB: sorry everyone was up your ass about tater

JO: it's fine, bud. I get it, being curious about that sort of shit. Not like i've never pestered people about deets

AB: you wanna talk about it?

JO: no

JO: but I should

AB: does it have anything to do with why you went to toke it with Nursey and shits? Not usually your style

JO: didn't bring my xanax

AB: dude

JO: yeah. Bad choice

JO: my baseline anxiety was higher than usual all day, so I should have known to bring it, but I didn't. Something at jack's pushed it, idk what. I thought maybe smoking would help, but

JO: also a bad choice

AB: bro, why didn't you come find me?

JO: I did, but you were drunk. You tried to rope me into your measuring contest (which, really dude? Really? You already know I'll lose to you)

AB: i'm so sorry

JO: it's fine. You can't always be there, no matter how hard you try. Anyway, I went to the kitchen to try to calm down a bit but ran into tater (literally, and he's like a brick fucking wall) and spilled his drink all down my front and proceeded to have a panic attack all over him

JO: he was... surprisingly good at helping me through it??

AB: I feel like such a shitty supoort system, dude. I should have noticed you needed help earlier

JO: nah, it's good, adam. You had fun at the part

JO: and I got his number, soooooo :D

JO: it all works out in the end, right?

AB: BROOOOO

**

DN: just a heads up, jared's going to be at the next kegster

AB: I just want it to be noted that I am not reacting right now. I am holding my tongue. I am being patient and supportive of my team

JZ: noted

CC: um ????

EB: is this you opening up discussion, or...?

DN: nope. Not opening up discussion. Still a limit for me. It's a favor to his boyfriend.

WP: don't worry, i'll fuck his ass up if he gets anywhere near nursey

DN: aw, but I thought the plan was to fuck my ass... up :*

AB: that has to be the most disgusting fine of the week, thank you nursey

DN: de nada, my friend. De nada

AG: thanks, nursey

AB: WAIT HOLD ON


	2. An Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened at the party and the list

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite details in the tweets is that chowder doesn't like to touch pucks. It needs about 800% more attention.
> 
> [added 4/21] Okay, so this story has been up now for about a month. I've gotten a lot of comments, which is fucking awesome and thank you all so much. But here's the thing. I'm also getting a lot of comments treating tango's trigger as a joke. So, I'm adding this note here, instead of at the end of the fic, because I want you to have this in your head right from the beginning:  
> triggers. are. not. a. joke. I didn't intend for anyone's contributions to the list to be comedic. Even when they look odd or confusing, even if you don't understand them, there is never a context in which triggers are a joke. There is also never a context in which you are owed an explanation for someone's triggers. I have added one here, but I want to make it very clear that you don't get to judge or question anyone when they say a specific topic is off limits, okay? okay.

So, here's what really happened!!

I ran into snow and we started talking about goalie things. He's so great and impressive!! we were talking about how I've been off my game lately and what I can do about it. He listened so well and gave me awesome advice.... but anyway!! he carries around a special puck with him for good luck. They've never lost a game when he had it! He wanted to give it to me for our game tomorrow, since I've been in a slump :(

Of course I couldn't take it!! it's his lucky puck!! I would never risk him not having it. You just don't mess with luck that way. He said he understood and wanted me to hold it so some of the luck would rub off

:/

but you know how I am about touching pucks off the ice. I just..... can't. Except snowy was being so generous and he even totally understood that I didn't want to touch it and he didn't even chirp me for it!! how amazing is he? 

And then I thought.... well, what if I kiss it instead? Because kissing isn't touching. So we were talking about it, but we didn't want to risk that HE was the luck, or him and the puck together made the luck, because what if it's only lucky because it's HIS, you know??

So, I kissed one side and of his puck and he kissed the other side and that's when you walked in. See, it was totally innocent!!!

Man, I think snowy is my favorite goalie ever. Even above Henrik Lundqvist

**

EB: listen. Sweetheart. I don't care if yur great grandma brought that vase over from france.

JZ: you know i'm french canadian, right? Not french

EB: :| now is not the time for chirps.

EB: TRUST ME. Shitty tried to make a batch of “tub” juice in it.

EB: and by that I mean he just dumped everything he found in the kitchen in it, then stirred it with the flowers

EB: by the time I found it, it was a mess of curdled milk and tequila and chocolate syrup (which I thought we ran out of? did you buy more?)

JZ: I'll talk to him

EB: Thank you <3 :*

–

JZ: thank you so much

BK: no fucking problem, my friend

BK: what for?

JZ: trashing that ugly vase that bitty insisted on

BK: dude. My bro. I got you.

**

DN: exactly how many professional hockey players' asses did you comment on last night?

WP: fuck off

DN: three? Four? Everyone in attendance?

WP: I fucking hate you

DN: okay, okay

DN: how many times did you tell jack his ass was 'scary'?

DN: and a follow up... how are you such a fucking lightweight

WP: i'm never talking to you again.

**

AB: the epic of Larissa “lardo” Duan, beer pong queen of the world, versus Antonio “Tango” Guerrero, taddy extraordinaire must be recorded for posterity's sake

AB: Nursey, help a brother out

LD: don't you have a class to get to, Holster?

AB: cancelled.

AG: wait, you know our class schedules??

LD: tango, that is literally my job. I am the team manager.

AG: right....

DN: does it have to be an epic, or...?

AB: bro, whatever your heart is feeling

DN: I call this one “unprecedented, a haiku”

DN: “where's the tequila”  
we never would have guessed it  
tango outdrank her

EB: you honestly wrote a haiku just to chirp lardo?

LD: you two done?

DN: Hmmmmm

DN: nope, one more

DN: “A Limerick on Samwell's Greatest Underdog Tale”  
In a world where lardo is queen  
her skills at beer pong are mean  
she faced a new foe  
steady and slow  
tango won, eyes all a-gleam

EB: my lord

AB: that's going on the wall with the bylaws

DN: do you think I can get extra credit for that, or...?

LD: just a warning, I am kicking your ass next time you come to the Haus

DN: worth it

**

JO: bitty, I know you're pissed at them, but we need you to work better with Ollie and Wicks on the ice

EB: i know, guys. I'm sorry

JO: do you need to talk about it? We're all kind of unclear about what went down

AB: we just saw you and them go outside, then there was yelling, and they didn't come back in with you

EB: I probably overreacted, but

EB: Wicks' girlfriend, Ann, made an offhand comment about “interacting with gays, but at least they can throw parties”

EB: and ollie and wicks and ollie's girlfriend betty all just laughed. They didn't say anything about it, or defend us, or nothing

EB: so I took them outside, because y'all have been really good about expressing that the homophobic bullshit isn't acceptable, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't misunderstanding or anything. but I wasn't

JO: oh shit

AB: are you fucking kidding me?

EB: I know it's silly, but if I can't trust them to have my back off the ice, it's hard to trust them on the ice, ya know?

JO: that's not silly at all, bits

AB: we have been so fucking clear about that shit, what the fuck is up with that

EB: idek, apparently alcohol brought out the worst in them

JO: I'm sorry, bro. We'll have a talk with them

AB: and a much longer talk with them and the coaches

AB: your favorite captains are on the case and that shit won't fly

EB: thanks, y'all

EB: you two are good captains and don't let anyone tell you otherwise

**

**No-Touch Subjects!! (* denote fears/phobias)  
List is subject to change, check back periodically!**

**Jack**  
Kent Parson

**Bitty**  
**claustrophobia  
**checking  
Kent Parson

**Ransom**  
what happened with tater

**Holster**

 

**Dex**  
*dentists  
Afghanistan/war/etc

**Nursey**  
*cars  
jared

**Chowder**  
touching pucks

**Lardo**  
**dogs  
shitty's parents

**Shitty**  
shitty's parents

**Tango**  
**blood  
menudo

**Whiskey**  
**heights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love comments, come talk to me
> 
> I've tried to fix my word processor, but no dice, so it still doesn't spell or grammar check. if you catch something, please feel free to tell me where I fucked up
> 
> OKAY, let's see if this works. Holster and his tattoo (ish). The idea is based on a piece of art I saw on Work Of Art, a super awesome and not at all known competition show that went on for two seasons (the artist's name is Abdi Farah); it's sort of commentary on kids being so attached to TVs, and since holster is canon into TV, well ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. It's not exactly on his ass so much as the side it, around his hip, and across the top of his thigh. If you imagine this is Holster, bitty saw 85% of his tattoo. (holster courtesy of @omgcppornlookalikes don't judge me)  
>   
> As for the tattoo itself. Imagine Banksy and Pietro Sedda had a baby. I am nowhere near as artistically inclined, so here's a crappy version of what I have in my head.  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little more serious than the previous two chapters. There are mentions of terminal illness, so be careful if that's a trigger for you

JO: dear Abby...

AG: did you text the wrong person, Ransom?

EB: it means he needs advice, tango

DN: like those old magazine columns where people would write in for advice about life and relationships. Those are dear abby columns

AH: oh okay

AB: do go on, my dear and lovely co-captain

JO: dear abby,

JO: what do you do when you really, really like a guy, but he tells you that he already has an arrangement with another guy and doesn't want to give that up, even though he also wants to date you?

AB: are you talking about the guy whose number you just got, bro??

JO: yeah

DN: an “arrangement”?

JO: I don't know, he didn't say much beyond that. It's at least sexual, but probably romantic too

AB: I'd say hard no. You don't need a guy who's gonna be fucking around on you when you want to actually do the dating thing

AG: oh, so he's poly?

AB: isn't that just an excuse to cheat?

JZ: check your judgement, bud

AB: right, sorry. That was uncalled for

DN: so, how would you describe the difference, tango

AG: Oh. Uh. Well, cheating is what happens when you go against the rules and boundaries set in the relationship. In a poly relationship, you still have boundaries and rules and everything, you just don't limit yourself to having feelings for only one person at once

DN: so, tango, you and your boyfriend...?

AG: no, he prefers monogomy

DN: :[

JO: so, what, we do our thing and he and the other dude do their thing and that's it?

AG: basically, yeah

JO: okay, dear abbys, follow up: say you know this guy's other guy... what then?

EB: maybe you should talk to them?

EB: I mean, nobody knows the situation you're in better than the other guy, I would guess

EB: and tango, apparently

AB: all of you seem... very okay with the idea of your SO being with other people

EB: just not jealous people, I guess

DN: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

AG: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

WP: yeah, i'm not okay with that

BK: share the love, my dude

AB: huh..

JO: I guess I have to think about things more

AG: :)

**

DN: so

EB: ?

DN: sooooo

EB: what??

DN: just putting two and two together

DN: and that answer seems to be “deets”

EB: what are you on about

DN: you joking about having another boyfriend + (ransom not talking about tater + ransom's mystery guy being poly) + tater and jack being on the same team...

DN: sounds to me like you are holding out on some very serious russian deets

EB: oh good lord

EB: now, I'm not saying you're wrong, but

EB: I AM saying that I don't got any deets for you

DN: by that do you mean “I don't have any deets that I have been approved to give” or “I am not involved in the deets I have and don't want to say anything about the involved parties without permission”?

EB: you are frighteningly perceptive

DN: natural talent

EB: and yet you do the bare minimum to get through school

DN: don't change the subject on me, bro

EB: UGH fine

EB: the second one

DN: mhmmmm

DN: and you didn't deny these deets being in cyrillic, but I don't think you're close enough to Tater to get those sort of deets (and he seems a little bit like a gentleman and not the sort of guy to give out deets like that?)

EB: I can neither confirm nor deny the truth of that. 

EB: except that yes, Tater is a giant sweetheart who doesn't just go around giving deets

DN: MHMMM. So you got them somewhere else.

DN: FROM JACK

EB: I can neither confirm nor deny that

DN: so, hypothetically, if your boyfriend Jack Zimmermann, had a 'definitely sexual and possibly romantic' relationship, you could neither confirm nor deny its existence?

EB: that is true.

DN: So, unrelated question

DN: does jack like me enough to give me deets?

EB: ….probably not

EB: but he might like me enough to give me permission to share deets

DN: :D

**

JO: so... maybe I should have just texted you two instead of the group chat

EB: hm. Maybe.

JZ: it's okay, bud, it's a bit of a weird situation.

JO: so is it like tango says, there are rules and boundaries and all

EB: maybe you should talk through this with tater, hon?

JO: I tried, but he said he wasn't sure what you two were okay with him saying, so

JZ: yes, tango is right

JO: so, like, he's your boyfriend too? or...?

EB: not exactly

EB: me and tater are just friends

JZ: me and him don't go on dates, but we do have sex and are affectionate and cuddle on the road

JO: just on the road?

EB: never at home

JZ: if he wants to have sex when we're in providence, he finds someone else. If you don't like that, it's something you'll have to negotiate with him.

EB: tater is a naturally cuddly guy, so there's still some of that, but he's kind of like that with everyone

JO: so it's like a comfort and convenience thing? When you're away from home

EB: that's a good way to think of it

JO: and you don't get jealous, bitty?

EB: at first, a bit

EB: tater actually helped with that

EB: he told me I was thinking about love like a pie, where if he got a piece, I'd get less. But that's not how it works, love isn't a finite thing

EB: jack being with tater doesn't mean he feels anything less for me. And tater being with jack doesn't mean he likes you any less

JZ: of course it was a pie metaphor

EB: (')> (')> (')> yeah yeah

JO: huh. I get it, I guess. I think I just have to think

EB: there's nothing wrong with that. And there's nothing wrong with it if you decide it's not something you want

EB: just keep an open mind and communicate what you're thinking with Alexei

JO: thanks, guys

JZ: anytime, bud

EB: we're here if you have any questions about this whole twisty thing :)

**

AG: um, can I ask for some clarification on the list? Not why things are on it, or anything, but kind just.... clarification

CC: I have a couple questions too :/

EB: I can't speak for everyone, but I'm okay with it :)

BK: shoot, my dudes

WP: ask, but no guaranteed answers

CC: dex, you have “dentists”, but is it okay if I talk about my orthodontist appointments??

WP: that's fine, chowder

CC: and tango, do you mean the food or the band??

AG: oh! The food

AG: i'm mostly just confused about the hockey related ones. Like, chowder and touching pucks and bitty and checking and kent parson..? Should I not check bitty in practice? Can I talk about the aces or should I just avoid anything associated with him in general

CC: I just don't like touching pucks off the ice, so as long as you don't try to hand me one, we're good :)

JZ: you must be doing something right this season, bittle, if the tadpoles don't know about your checking problems

AB: you fucking know he is!!

JO: hardest working blond on the team

AB: rude

EB: ANYWAY. Obviously checking me during practice is fine, tango

EB: just make sure that if you do it off the ice, or if you come at me like that, I know that you're there

EB: and if I collapse to the ground or faint or something like that, don't touch me til I say it's okay

AG: are you likely to faint??

DN: is it still that bad?

EB: Nah, but better safe than sorry

RW: why don't you have anything written, Holster

AB: guess there's just nothing I don't want to talk about

JO: bro. You just about threw me out the window when I chirped you about your sisters

AB: ...oh yeah

EB: I'm in the Haus now, I'll add it

AB: thanks, bro

RW: hold up, I just looked it up. Tango, you don't want to talk about menudo, like the soup?

AG: yeah

RW: I can understand everything else, vaguely. But soup?

BK: Ay, no fucking trigger shaming in my Haus

LD: not your haus

LD: but he's not wrong, cut that shit out, Whiskey

RW: I'm just trying to understand

EB: the entire point of this entire exercise is that we don't force other people to talk about these topics

EB: Tango trusted us with the fact that there's something negative in his life connected to this thing. He did not do that so you could pick at it

JO: just because it sounds weird to you doesn't mean it's not important to him. You think lacrosse is important but we don't question that

RW: no, but you chirp me for it constantly

AG: It's fine, guys. I mean, I can always use the safeword if I don't want to talk about it, right? my abuela used to make menudo on the first sunday of every month. She lives with my parents and siblings and me

AG: we started doing hospice for her the week before I left for Samwell. I almost didn't come because it's so hard to get back to Texas and I got a scholarship to UT too, and if anything takes a turn for the worse, there's no guarantee I can get back. The only reason I did was because she made me

AG: so yeah, whiskey. the soup.

**

WP: I did something stupid and need to apologize for it

AB: just to clarify, are you telling us this as ransom and holster, your bestest senior buddies, or are you telling us as your captains that you did something that will reflect poorly on the hockey team

WP: that second one

AG: um, did you mean to include me in this?

WP: yesh, this involves you, too. Indirectly

JO: what did you do

WP: so, don't be mad Tango, but nursey was telling me about you and jared, just to kind of work through his thoughts, figure out what's going out in his head. He didn't mean to break your confidence or anything it's just been bothering him for a while and I sort of made him tell me what was wrong

WP: anyway, he was upset so I went to get him those stupid gummy octopus things from the murder stop and shop that he loves so much, except when I was walking there, I ran into jared in the north quad and may have caused a bit of a scene

JO: what kind of scene?

WP: uh, the one that involves me punching him a lot?

AB: dex. Dude.

WP: I know

AG: I don't understand why you're telling me. Is it just because it's jared? Do you want me to say something to him about nursey or tell him he can't be at the Haus for kegsters anymore? Should I apologize to Nursey?

WP: No, tango, none of that

WP: I wasn't just pissed for Nursey, I was pissed because your boyfriend treats you like shit and that's not okay, man. You're our fucking teammate, and that doesn't just mean on the ice

AG: oh

JO: Dex isn't wrong, but we've talked about your temper before. You have to keep that shit under control

WP: I know. I'm working on it, I promise

AG: I don't think I understand... were you trying make a point that we should break up or something else...?

WP: No, tango. You're a big boy and you can make your own choices about who you date. I was trying to make a point to Jared that he can't just go around treating people like they're not worth anything. That you have people who care about you and he needs to think twice about his actions

AB: I'm not gonna say what you did was good, dex. But you did good

JO: Holster

AB: i'm not saying do that shit again. Ransom is right that you need to work on how you handle emotions. But the idea was good, dude. We're a team and that means looking out for each other.

AB: maybe just not with fists next time

AG you... honestly started a fight in my defense?

WP: Yeah?

AG: that's... thanks, dex.

**

BK: AND IT'S OUR FUCKING BOY CHOWDER WITH THAT MOTHERFUCKING SHUTOUT

BK: this amazing fucker

JZ: *image received*

JZ: the falcs are spending their bye week watching their favorite NCAA team. I think snowy is crying

LD: goalies

CC: oh my god!!!! please tell snowy thank you for me jack!!!

JZ: do I want to know

EB: NO

JZ: snowy says “it was all you, C”

JZ: Tater says “you drink extra for us. Celebrate like russian tonight”

EB: you tell tater that he is the biggest lightweight I have ever seen

EB: maybe that russian needs to celebrate like a college student one of these days

AB: SPEAKING OF CELEBRATING we have to have the epic-est of epikegsters

AB: this weekend, attendance mandatory

BK: i'm supposed to go to some dickcheese mixer, so you fucking know i'll be there bruh

JO: so about that

JO: I have a date this weekend

CC: !!!

DN: get it, captain

AG: :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are two things I really wanted to focus on: 1) polyamory that isn't equilateral and 2) questioning triggers because they sound weird. A LOT of you commented about tango listing menudo, which I get sounds funny from the outside, but is a legitimate thing for him. Someone also wondered about Dex, which was not something I plan to explain in the fic, but for those wondering: I HC dex as having an older brother who is in the military; if dex hadn't gotten a scholarship to samwell, he would have enlisted, too, even though he doesn't cope well with his brother being overseas.
> 
> I'm still super excited about this series, but fell head first into a depressive episode, so I don't know when I'll get the next installment started. 
> 
> As always, if you catch any mistakes, see anything you think needs to be tagged, or have anything particular you want to talk about, feel free to comment :) i like comments

**Author's Note:**

> Things I didn't mean to do but did:  
> 1) i'm such a holsom fan, how is holster straight?? how did that happen???  
> 2) but hey, that means we get some ransom+tater possibilities
> 
> If you see anything that needs to be tagged, or typos, or anything, please feel free to let me know! if you hate something, let me know that too. basically, come interact with me, idc what about.  
> ((edit: huge fucking shoutout to zombiesolace for catching my mistakes and generally for their awesome existence)


End file.
